Hopefully you’ve arrived here looking for just a bit of advice on how to fix an unhappy marriage. As you probably already know, if you have been married for any length of time, you will no doubt understand that marriage is one of the hardest things in the world to sustain. Let’s be honest, if you want to know how to fix an unhappy marriage one of the first things you are going to have to realize is that it’s going to take…WORK!

We all know that sometimes being married can literally feel like having a millstone around your neck. And I’m betting many of you who are reading this are probably knodding your head. It’s no secret that however well you get on with your partner there will always be difficulties. At times it might be relationship issues but often the source of the problem is external.

However, it does not matter where the source of the problem originates: there are two basic principles that you should have firmly in place if you want to know how to fix an unhappy marriage.

Be the right person

Many people are looking for ‘Mr or Mrs Right’ when settling down. But this person simply doesn’t exist. You know it, I know it so quit trying to find something the proverbial needle in a haystack! To find the ‘right person’ you have to be prepared. You can only ‘see’ the right person if you are in the right place in your life. Remember “luck is simply where preparation meets opportunity”. So be prepared. Make yourself the best man or woman you can be. Don’t look for someone else to ‘complete you’. As Jerry McGuire said: “That’s Hollywood claptrap, don’t fall into that sap!

Understand the nature of the opposite gender

Nowadays, we too often make the mistake to believe that we can all be ‘equal’ and ‘unisex’. Hogwash! Men and women are intrinsically different, by a mile. Their attraction wants and likes in a relationship, dreams, goals, sources of self-worth and achievements are entirely different. Denying these facts is a recipe for disaster. But maybe that’s why you are hear. Maybe you have an impending disaster and you don’t the world crumbling around your head. If that is the case, stay tuned right here and we’ll be giving you some of the best tips we know on how to fix an unhappy marriage. But we’ll be flat out honest with you, most of it is going to be common sense that for whatever reason you’ve just plain forgotten!

Statistics show that 50% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. But second marriages are especially vulnerable.  In this article I will be discussing the main reason why second marriages are more likely to fail and show you 5 useful tips which will help you to make a success of your second marriage.

There is one main reason why second marriages are more likely to fail:   After going through a divorce many people search for a new partner, often someone entirely different from the first spouse.  Things run smoothly until the end of the honeymoon period — then they realize they have taken all their old issues, habits and problems into their new marriage. Entering into a second marriage without understanding why the first one failed is like building a second wall without finding out why the first one collapsed.

Rather than concentrating on precisely what went wrong in their previous marriage, many people find it easier to put all the blame on their ex-spouse.  As a result, they strongly believe that the secret to wedded bliss is to simply choose the right partner. Unfortunately, without taking the time to assess why the marriage went wrong in the first place and analyzing the part you played in its demise, things are unlikely to be better second time around.

I will now guide you through 5 easy steps that will get you better prepared for your second marriage.

1)  Don’t go into a second marriage too quickly

Most people have a transition relationship after a divorce. These are really important as they help you get over the failed relationship and make you feel attractive again. But that doesn’t mean you have to marry your transition partner.  It is OK to have a light-hearted relationship and form a temporary friendship.  It can act as a spring board to recovering your independence and help you to trust the opposite sex again.

To fully benefit from a transitional relationship, you need to concentrate on the present and appreciate the time you spend with one another.  Don’t fixate about the future or spend time considering if this person may possibly be your next spouse. Most importantly, don’t commit too quickly. Instead, give yourself the time and space necessary for you to learn to trust again. Be sincere with your new partner and tell him or her where you stand.  This can be a positive relationship if you can manage it in a mature and sincere way and are feeling completely ready and in control in the likelihood of its ending.

2) Build a new life

Take good care of yourself: eat nutritiously and get plenty of rest. Try out a new class, enroll at a gym, start walking, or get back to a leisure activity that you used to enjoy in the past.  It is important that you learn to please yourself by taking up new hobbies or interests before starting a new relationship.

Have a strong support network around you. Listen to people who will give you their unbiased opinions on what’s best for you. Broaden your social circle and get busy with your new found activities.
Above all, don’t feel guilty about doing something just for yourself; by being socially active you are giving yourself a much-needed new lease of life!
Remember you are now responsible for your own happiness and can no longer rely on someone else to provide it for you!

3) Rediscover your true identify

Even though you are no longer part of a couple, you are still a complete person.  Rediscover that person again.  It is now more important than ever to work on yourself, improve your self-awareness, develop your strengths and identify your potentials.

You need to concentrate on doing things which empowers you and leaves you feeling in total control of your life and confident about all the changes that will occur in your future.  Re-building your self-esteem and accepting the past are key elements to enhancing your mental well-being.

Discover your passion in life: ─ come up with a checklist of short and long-term goals, this might be your ideal job, an amazing vacation or a new home; after that work through all the steps necessary to achieve your goals, and mark them off as you reach them!

4) Take time to understand your role in a relationship

Even if you meet someone totally different from your first spouse, you need to break the cycle and not take your old habits and issues with you.  Hopefully, you will have changed and grown since the divorce.  Look at your first marriage from a new perspective. See it from an outsider’s point of view and work out why things went wrong.
Identifying the mistakes you made in your previous relationship will enable you to learn from them and avoid repeating them in the future.

When analyzing what led to the break-up of your marriage, it is important that you don’t demonize your previous partner and put all the blame solely on its shoulders.  You will be doing yourself a disservice by not acknowledging your own failings and mistakes.  Instead try to be as honest and truthful as you can possibly be.  Remember, this is your own personal analysis, nobody is judging you!

You need to know what’s most important to you in a relationship. Thoroughly examine your values and establish what your expectations are. Men and women’s expectations are very different in a relationship.  If trust, reliability and honesty are top of your list, don’t settle for anything less.

5) Think about whether you and your partner share common beliefs

Consider not only religious faith but principles about spending and saving money, household chores and the division of labour, how you bring up children, and sex and affection.  Conflicts are often brewing because couples found it too embarrassing and too taboo to discuss these topics.  The truth is that you should be talking openly and honestly so that you both have a clear understanding of each other’s needs and expectations.  The worst thing to do is to simply assume that you are both on the same page when in reality you couldn’t be any further!

Conclusion: No matter what the reason for a break up is, the end of a marriage is never without pain.  However, you need to remind yourself that you can still have a beautiful future ahead of you.  Before moving on to the next relationship, you need to take time to analyze where you went wrong in the previous one.  Identifying your mistakes will enable you to learn from this life experience and help you to mature into a stronger, wiser individual, someone who is well-balanced and emotionally-equipped to achieve a successful second marriage.

If you’ve recently experienced a marriage break up you might be wondering how your ex-partner who claimed to love you and with whom you shared so many happy times, could cut you off so coldly and moved on to pastures new without even casting you a second glance.

The memories of your life together are still probably dominating your every thought and as a result you are struggling to get over your heartbreak and feel unable to move on.  At times it even feels like the sadness will never stop.

In this article, I will show you 5 tips to help you to cope with the break up of your marriage.

1) Disconnect yourself physically and emotionally

“Out of sight out of mind”

Although right now you might be aching to speak to your partner (if no children are involved) you must go “cold turkey”.  This might sound brutal, but you need to drastically reduce or even cut altogether any contacts with your ex.

The pursuing and begging MUST stop.  Do not phone, text, email or leave emotional voicemails to your ex-spouse.

Latching on someone who no longer wants you will only make them ran away faster and the ensuing rejection will make you feel even worse.  You need to muster all your strength and pull back.  Try and clear your partner’s memories from your house, and avoid going to places you used to go to as a couple.

2) Take good care of yourself

When you are engulfed in grief, your immune system can weaken, leaving you more prone to illnesses.  This is a time when it is more important than ever that you look after yourself properly to maintain your physical and mental well-being.

Make sure that you keep yourself in good physical shape.   This could mean going to a gym or simply doing some power walking.   Apart from the evident physical benefits, exercise will also boost your mood.   According to experts physical activity releases endorphins “feel good hormones”; that can make you feel happier and more confident.

You can combat anxiety and stress by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. When you feel good physically, you will also feel better emotionally

3) “Fake it till you make it”

Although you might be feeling at “rock bottom”, act as if you are moving on with your life.  Try to be positive, strong and confident. Looking and acting the part is half the battle!   Projecting a positive image has a very powerful effect on your psyche: it not only helps you to think more positively about yourself but also alleviate your negative thoughts.   In time, you will gradually feel more confident and self-assured.

4)  Focus on yourself not on your ex

Concentrate on all the areas of your life that are not in turmoil.  The break up of your relationship is a new beginning, so focus solely on your good points and assets.

Write down a list of short and long term goals, this could be your dream job, an exotic vacation or a house; then work out all the steps it will take to achieve them and tick them off as you reach them!   This task alone will lift up your spirits and keep you motivated for the future.

Broaden your social circle and get busy with new activities that you’ve always wanted to try in the past.  Remember you are now solely in charge of ensuring you own happiness!

5) Forgiveness

This is the ultimate stage, but a crucial one in your journey to recovery.  Forgiveness helps us to move on and free us of the last shackles of guilt, pain, and the overwhelming sense of failure that many of us carry around after a break up.  Learning to forgive is a great gift to give to yourself.   Without any emotional burden weighting your shoulders down, you will be eager and happy to embrace your new future.

Conclusion:

Coping with the break up of a marriage is a long process. The key here is to keep moving forward everyday by working on improving yourself.   Gradually your self esteem and confidence will come back, and this will open the door for great things to come into your life!

With 50 per cent of marriages currently ending in divorce in the US, it is now more important than ever to identify and understand what are the crucial components to a happy marriage.  In this article, I will be discussing about the 5 top ingredients that every couple need to work on to keep their marriage strong.

1. Good communication

You must have an open communication. This is the most important part of your marriage because keeping secrets from each other will breed mistrust. Communication includes sharing of your thoughts, your fears, your desires and your plans for your future together. Knowing that you are able to tell each other everything creates a bond that makes your relationship stronger.

2. Make sure you find time to be together.

This may seem like an impossible task to contemplate when you are already stretched to the limit and are struggling to split your time between work, children and housework; but it is important for your couple well-being that you spend some quality time with your spouse. It doesn’t have to be long, just 30 minutes a day will do for a start.  This is enough time to reconnect with your partner, talk about your day, share a problem or just cuddle together. Being alone together even in this short amount of time will help the intimacy going in your couple.  So even if you think your daily schedule is too tight, make it a priority to set aside some time to spend for you and your partner on a regular basis.

3. You must act as a team

Although you might disagree on many things, you need to remember that you are part of a team and therefore you shouldn’t only be concerned about yourself.  Think about what’s good for the couple rather than what’s good for you.  As a team you need to find ways of deciding things together in order to move forward as a couple.  Although there are times when you might not entirely agree with your partner on a certain topic, you will find that you need to compromise to keep the peace.  Remember it’s not all about you!

4. Don’t get into the habit of criticizing your partner

Negativity breeds more negativity.  If you tend to focus solely on your partner’s negative side and flaws, this in turn will be mirrored in your relationship.  Think about it for a minute: do you really expect someone to think the world of you when all you do is constantly criticizing them?   I think not! Nobody is perfect, but keeping a positive attitude and focusing on your partner’s good traits rather than the bad, will bring positive energy in your relationship and will make any problems much easier to handle.

5. Be loyal to your partner

Infidelity is amongst the top reasons why many couples divorce.  Being committed to your partner means more than not having extra marital affairs.  Emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse.  There are special things that belong only to your couple and that you and your partner should treasure and cherish.  This could be a special place, a song or anything else that is unique to you as a couple and should not be shared with others.  Loyalty also means not revealing intimate details of your relationship to others without your spouse’s consent.  To your partner this will feel like a betrayal and will damaged your relationship.

Conclusion: a marriage is like a beautiful plant. To grow and prosper it needs a good deal of nurturing and caring.  As a couple you need to work hard at keeping connected with your partner emotionally and physically.  This means making time to communicate, connect and show your appreciation for each other and ultimately strengthening the bond that keeps your marriage happy.

Marriages are not made in heaven.  They take a lot of hard work and commitment from both spouses to be truly successful.  In this article I will be discussing and pinpointing the 3x signs that can wreck a marriage if not addressed and dealt with properly.

1. Infidelity

Adultery often feels like the ultimate betrayal.  Whatever excuses your partner might come up with to justify his behavior; the truth is that people in healthy marriages do not cheat.  Infidelity is often a warning sign of something extremely wrong between the spouses.

When a third person enters into a relationship, the ensuing lies and deceits wrecks havoc in the marriage; it breaks the trust between the spouses and the aftermaths can be felt long after the affair has ended.

2) Constant Quarreling

In any couples, regardless of how well the spouses get on; there will always be differences of opinion and occasional confrontations.  This is absolutely normal and actually necessary to maintaining a healthy balance between the spouses.  The problem arises when the amount of rowing, fighting, and bickering is grossly disproportionate compared to the happy times spent together.

Unfortunately, some couples fall into a destructive pattern of fighting over the slightest thing (this could be something as trivial as whose turn it is to take out the trash).   This becomes their only way to communicate with each over, and in turn the constant fighting creates a negative environment which slowly suffocates and ultimately destroys their marriage.

3. Selfishness

Marriage is a partnership where two people agree to share emotional and economical responsibilities for one another.  Selfishness is a serious relationship killer and strict individualism has no place in a good marriage.
If one of the spouses sees himself as a single entity, puts his own personal concerns above his partner’s needs and focus solely on what is beneficial to him and not for the good of the marriage, the relationship will suffer terribly and in time will disintegrate.  The classic mistakes that couples make are:

• prioritizing their own social life with their friends over spending time as a couple
• spending the household budget as they please without consulting their spouse
• leaving the bulk of the housework duties/child care to their spouse in order to pursue their own interests
• focusing too much on advancing their individual careers,
• lack of consideration and efforts towards their spouse in areas such as sex,  communication or affection

Conclusion: For spouses to grow as a couple, they both need to be committed to work at their relationship.  There are some noticeable signs which will slowly wreck a marriage.  If the marriage is to prosper these signs shouldn’t be ignored or brushed under the carpet but dealt with and resolved by both partners.

All marriages go through their ups and downs. Unfortunately, when the rough periods outweigh the happy times the marriage can quickly become unbearable.  As a result you might end up feeling stuck in your marriage but are paralyzed by fear and anxiety over what to do.  But doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.  You need to take positive action to remedy the problems and get your marriage back on track

In this article I will be discussing 3 key elements which will help you to get your marriage back on the straight and narrow.

1. Improve communication in your marriage.

You need to identify your marriage issues and pinpoint the areas of conflicts.   If it helps, write them all down on a piece of paper first and then go through them with your spouse.  You both need to have a frank and honest discussion about what upsets you in the marriage.

This should be a positive discussion, so don’t start throwing accusations at each other.  Talking with anger and resentment will sabotage your efforts and stifle your progress.

Start splitting the issues into small pieces and tackle them one at a time. No subject should be out of bounds: sensitive topics like money, sex, housework, or disciplining the kids are often at the forefront of many couple’s marital problems.

Once you have pinpointed the problems, you need to set the ground rules and create an active plan of action on how you are going to reduce the conflict in your marriage, manage your problems and set the tone for a much more peaceful life together.

2) Kill the tension

Stop holding grudges.  Once you’ve tackled the problem areas and decided on a plan of action you need to take the gloves off and start working on making the marriage better.   This often means letting go of your negative feelings and learning how to be more positive towards your partner.

Constant tension in a marriage creates an unhealthy atmosphere full of hostility, resentment and bitterness which tears a couple apart.  It might mean that you both need to forgive each other for things done in the past, but removing the tension will dramatically improve your marriage and will give you a much better chance to be happy again.

3) Make time for your couple

Sometimes, with a hectic schedule of work and childcare, the couple’s basic needs can become too easily forgotten.

If you are both busy with your careers during the week and then try to cram everything else at week-ends, it leaves you no time to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

In a healthy relationship, couples take time to show affection to each other and express their love for one another.

To help you grow together as a couple, you should try and make a date night at least once a week.   This is a time to enjoy each other’s company, reconnect with your partner and satisfy your needs for sexual intimacy.

Conclusion: Marriage is about giving and taking.  To get your marriage back on track requires efforts and commitments from both spouses.  You need to take care of your couple and make time to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

Ultimately to move into a new happier future together you need to make your marriage your top priority.

For whatever reasons they happen, breakups are painful. It’s the end of an important chapter of your life and suddenly you are on your own to face what feels like a cataclysmic situation.  If you are currently going through this, you need to find ways of coping and moving on with your life.

But what does “getting over” a break up actually mean?  Personally, I think that it’s when people finally reach the point where they can allow joy, happiness and particularly hope for the future to get back into their lives.

In this article I will be discussing the main steps which will help you to go through this difficult period.

1) Grieving …

“Time, time and more time…”.

I know it’s a cliché but time is a healer and will definitely make things better.

You must take time plenty of time to go through the healing process.  A relationship break up is an emotional wound where your protective shield has been broken and your emotions bruised.  You are suffering a loss and need time to work through your grief.  The death of your marriage has probably stirred up all type of negative feelings like anger, rejection or failure and you need to take time to repair the emotional scaring.

Although the grieving process is different for each person, there is however 3 major stages:

1. Distress, refusal to accept the situation, numbness
2. Fear, anxiety and anger
3. Realizing, acknowledging, acceptance, moving forward

Towards the end of the 3rd stage you will certainly start feeling stronger and happier and constructive things will begin to emerge.

2) Take good care of yourself

When you are consumed by grief, it might seem trivial to care about yourself, but it’s a vital step in the recovery process.  As harsh as it might sound “you need to pick yourself up” and nurture your soul.
Don’t stop caring about your physical appearance ─ your body is your temple and you should treasure it!  Looking good on the outside when your confidence has been shattered to pieces will give you a much-needed ego boost!   Whilst you are healing, do things to make yourself look and feel better like taking-up exercise or going for an occasional beauty treatment.

3) Get socially active

I think that being busy is one of the most effective therapies you can use on your road to recovery.  It’s quite simple: the more you get involved in diverse enjoyable activities, the less time you will be spend pondering about your situation.  Don’t let your break up issues become the focal point of your life.  Instead, you should try and concentrate on positive things, and socialise with positive people.

Facing the world again as a single person is undoubtedly intimidating, but you should see it as an opportunity to experience new things.  Classes and groups are a fantastic way of meeting new people as well as providing a chance to take up something of interest that you’ve never tried before.
By concentrating on doing things you truly enjoy, your life will improve enormously.  Being single, healing and growing has an amazing purpose: it’s the path that leads you to get in touch with your true self and ultimately finding someone you are really compatible with.

If your partner is not a “closet gay” or your appearance has not drastically changed due to obesity or extensive cosmetic surgery, then you might be wondering why your spouse has lost all interest in having sex.  In this article I will be discussing the main reasons.

Although not the foundation of a marriage, sex is nevertheless one of its key components.  A regular sex life helps to hold a marriage together and satisfies a couple’s need for physical intimacy.

I strongly believe that a marriage without sex is merely a friendship, albeit a close one.  Although there might still be cuddles and hugs, in the absence of sex, partners progressively feel more like roommates or siblings.  In most cases, only one spouse refuses to have sex.  This leaves the other spouse feeling rejected and unfulfilled; and in turn the yearning for physical attention becomes even greater.

1.  An affair

“My partner doesn’t want sex anymore”

As painful as it might be to come to terms with this, if your partner is getting sex elsewhere on a regular basis, he/she will find it more difficult to also have sex with you.  This is very dangerous territory: not only their physically needs are fulfilled by another person, but in many cases an emotional connection can develop out of sex.  The spouse having the affair can easily become entangled both sexually and emotionally.  This in turn will leave unable to connect with you on both fronts.

2. Health reasons

Many times the lack or absence of sex is due to a medical condition.  One of the most common reasons for men is erectile dysfunction.  Also known as impotence, this is when a man is unable to sustain an erection.

The following conditions are also known to affect sexual functions:

• Diabetes
• Heart and vascular disease
• Neurological disorders
• Hormonal imbalances (in particular low Testosterone levels)
• Chronic illnesses such as kidney or liver failure
• Alcoholism/drug abuse

Additionally, the side effects of some medications like antidepressant drugs have an adverse effect on sexual desire and function.

Although it might seem obvious, but if you are constantly tired or suffer from sleep deprivation you certainly won’t be in the mood for sex!

3) Sex used as a weapon

Sometimes a spouse refuses to have sex as a punishment for what is going wrong in the relationship.   Refraining from sex is used as a weapon for expressing their discontent.  If you are feeling disrespected, frustrated or even abused, having sex will be the last thing on your mind!  The area of contention must be fixed first!

Conclusion:

Keeping each other sexually satisfied is important to a good relationship.   It helps a couple to keep connected and emotionally well-balanced.  People don’t just stop wanting to have sex; there are much deeper underlying reasons.  If there is still affection in the marriage, the sexual problems can be fixed.  Both spouse need to refocus their attention on each other and work together at finding a solution.

Not so long ago a marriage needed to reach at least the 20 years milestone to be considered long and successful.  Times have changed drastically.  With the divorce rate reaching 50%of all marriages in the US, the definition of long term success had to be adjusted accordingly.

Nowadays, many couples who have successfully been married for 10 years consider their marriage a long-term success.  Indeed in that time, they have amassed valuable experience that many people could benefit from.

What do you think?

Have you ever considered having a relationship with somebody going through a divorce?  Well think again; personally I wouldn’t dream of it.  In this article I will discuss the x3 main problems encountered in this type of situations.

1. Emotionally unavailable

There are 2x aspects to a divorce: the physical and emotional detachment.  Whilst the physical separation is obvious and clear for everyone to see, the emotional one is more intricate.

Divorce is a difficult time and one of the most stressful experience people face in their lifetime.  It is a rollercoaster of emotions: anger, grief and sadness all mingled into one and this often leaves a person in a state of deep confusion.  Someone going through such emotional upheavals and turmoil is neither emotionally stable nor available to start a relationship.

2) On the rebound

Sometimes people going through a period of turbulence will look for a quick exit to stop the pain (even if only temporary) and try to reach out to someone.  This is not out of sincere love and care but more an act of desperation.  The problem is that whoever they happen to meet is often merely used to fill a “temporary void” and can often become what is commonly referred to as “a rebound”.  It acts a bit like putting a plaster over a cut, without treating it first; a quick-fix solution to mask a much deeper problem.

This is a very un-healthy relationship to be involved in as the emotional balance between the partners is wrong from the start.   The needs of the person going through the divorce are much greater and can be overbearing to the other party.

3) Not needed anymore

Unfortunately, and I have witnessed it many times, once a person feels strong again and has re-gained emotional stability his/her personality will drastically change.  The needy and insecure person that you first met will gradually start thinking for himself/herself and will see the relationship from a different perspective.  A bit like seeing it through a fresh pair of eyes, once the fogginess of the recent turmoil has faded out.

Now that you have helped to repair the damaged self-esteem of this person, he or she might well decide to move on with their life without you!  Basically you are no longer of any use; you don’t fit with their life plans and more often than not you will end up being “dumped”.

This exclusion and rejection is painful and feels like a betrayal. The worst part is that like many people going through a similar situation, you will feel used and hurt as you’ve probably invested time and efforts in a relationship which was doomed from the start.

Conclusion:

Although it is not always possible to control our feelings and we like to show compassion towards someone’s pain, I still feel strongly that being in a relationship with someone who is still emotionally entangled with another is a recipe for heartache.  This is extremely dangerous territory.  The hurt divorcee needs to go through the healing process on his/her own and not use someone else love and affection to get stronger.  It has to come from within.  He/she needs to work out a way of finding emotional stability before even thinking of being in a relationship with someone.