Statistics show that 50% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. But second marriages are especially vulnerable. In this article I will be discussing the main reason why second marriages are more likely to fail and show you 5 useful tips which will help you to make a success of your second marriage.
There is one main reason why second marriages are more likely to fail: After going through a divorce many people search for a new partner, often someone entirely different from the first spouse. Things run smoothly until the end of the honeymoon period — then they realize they have taken all their old issues, habits and problems into their new marriage. Entering into a second marriage without understanding why the first one failed is like building a second wall without finding out why the first one collapsed.
Rather than concentrating on precisely what went wrong in their previous marriage, many people find it easier to put all the blame on their ex-spouse. As a result, they strongly believe that the secret to wedded bliss is to simply choose the right partner. Unfortunately, without taking the time to assess why the marriage went wrong in the first place and analyzing the part you played in its demise, things are unlikely to be better second time around.
I will now guide you through 5 easy steps that will get you better prepared for your second marriage.
1) Don’t go into a second marriage too quickly
Most people have a transition relationship after a divorce. These are really important as they help you get over the failed relationship and make you feel attractive again. But that doesn’t mean you have to marry your transition partner. It is OK to have a light-hearted relationship and form a temporary friendship. It can act as a spring board to recovering your independence and help you to trust the opposite sex again.
To fully benefit from a transitional relationship, you need to concentrate on the present and appreciate the time you spend with one another. Don’t fixate about the future or spend time considering if this person may possibly be your next spouse. Most importantly, don’t commit too quickly. Instead, give yourself the time and space necessary for you to learn to trust again. Be sincere with your new partner and tell him or her where you stand. This can be a positive relationship if you can manage it in a mature and sincere way and are feeling completely ready and in control in the likelihood of its ending.
2) Build a new life
Take good care of yourself: eat nutritiously and get plenty of rest. Try out a new class, enroll at a gym, start walking, or get back to a leisure activity that you used to enjoy in the past. It is important that you learn to please yourself by taking up new hobbies or interests before starting a new relationship.
Have a strong support network around you. Listen to people who will give you their unbiased opinions on what’s best for you. Broaden your social circle and get busy with your new found activities.
Above all, don’t feel guilty about doing something just for yourself; by being socially active you are giving yourself a much-needed new lease of life!
Remember you are now responsible for your own happiness and can no longer rely on someone else to provide it for you!
3) Rediscover your true identify
Even though you are no longer part of a couple, you are still a complete person. Rediscover that person again. It is now more important than ever to work on yourself, improve your self-awareness, develop your strengths and identify your potentials.
You need to concentrate on doing things which empowers you and leaves you feeling in total control of your life and confident about all the changes that will occur in your future. Re-building your self-esteem and accepting the past are key elements to enhancing your mental well-being.
Discover your passion in life: ─ come up with a checklist of short and long-term goals, this might be your ideal job, an amazing vacation or a new home; after that work through all the steps necessary to achieve your goals, and mark them off as you reach them!
4) Take time to understand your role in a relationship
Even if you meet someone totally different from your first spouse, you need to break the cycle and not take your old habits and issues with you. Hopefully, you will have changed and grown since the divorce. Look at your first marriage from a new perspective. See it from an outsider’s point of view and work out why things went wrong.
Identifying the mistakes you made in your previous relationship will enable you to learn from them and avoid repeating them in the future.
When analyzing what led to the break-up of your marriage, it is important that you don’t demonize your previous partner and put all the blame solely on its shoulders. You will be doing yourself a disservice by not acknowledging your own failings and mistakes. Instead try to be as honest and truthful as you can possibly be. Remember, this is your own personal analysis, nobody is judging you!
You need to know what’s most important to you in a relationship. Thoroughly examine your values and establish what your expectations are. Men and women’s expectations are very different in a relationship. If trust, reliability and honesty are top of your list, don’t settle for anything less.
5) Think about whether you and your partner share common beliefs
Consider not only religious faith but principles about spending and saving money, household chores and the division of labour, how you bring up children, and sex and affection. Conflicts are often brewing because couples found it too embarrassing and too taboo to discuss these topics. The truth is that you should be talking openly and honestly so that you both have a clear understanding of each other’s needs and expectations. The worst thing to do is to simply assume that you are both on the same page when in reality you couldn’t be any further!
Conclusion: No matter what the reason for a break up is, the end of a marriage is never without pain. However, you need to remind yourself that you can still have a beautiful future ahead of you. Before moving on to the next relationship, you need to take time to analyze where you went wrong in the previous one. Identifying your mistakes will enable you to learn from this life experience and help you to mature into a stronger, wiser individual, someone who is well-balanced and emotionally-equipped to achieve a successful second marriage.