Have you ever considered having a relationship with somebody going through a divorce? Well think again; personally I wouldn’t dream of it. In this article I will discuss the x3 main problems encountered in this type of situations.
1. Emotionally unavailable
There are 2x aspects to a divorce: the physical and emotional detachment. Whilst the physical separation is obvious and clear for everyone to see, the emotional one is more intricate.
Divorce is a difficult time and one of the most stressful experience people face in their lifetime. It is a rollercoaster of emotions: anger, grief and sadness all mingled into one and this often leaves a person in a state of deep confusion. Someone going through such emotional upheavals and turmoil is neither emotionally stable nor available to start a relationship.
2) On the rebound
Sometimes people going through a period of turbulence will look for a quick exit to stop the pain (even if only temporary) and try to reach out to someone. This is not out of sincere love and care but more an act of desperation. The problem is that whoever they happen to meet is often merely used to fill a “temporary void” and can often become what is commonly referred to as “a rebound”. It acts a bit like putting a plaster over a cut, without treating it first; a quick-fix solution to mask a much deeper problem.
This is a very un-healthy relationship to be involved in as the emotional balance between the partners is wrong from the start. The needs of the person going through the divorce are much greater and can be overbearing to the other party.
3) Not needed anymore
Unfortunately, and I have witnessed it many times, once a person feels strong again and has re-gained emotional stability his/her personality will drastically change. The needy and insecure person that you first met will gradually start thinking for himself/herself and will see the relationship from a different perspective. A bit like seeing it through a fresh pair of eyes, once the fogginess of the recent turmoil has faded out.
Now that you have helped to repair the damaged self-esteem of this person, he or she might well decide to move on with their life without you! Basically you are no longer of any use; you don’t fit with their life plans and more often than not you will end up being “dumped”.
This exclusion and rejection is painful and feels like a betrayal. The worst part is that like many people going through a similar situation, you will feel used and hurt as you’ve probably invested time and efforts in a relationship which was doomed from the start.
Although it is not always possible to control our feelings and we like to show compassion towards someone’s pain, I still feel strongly that being in a relationship with someone who is still emotionally entangled with another is a recipe for heartache. This is extremely dangerous territory. The hurt divorcee needs to go through the healing process on his/her own and not use someone else love and affection to get stronger. It has to come from within. He/she needs to work out a way of finding emotional stability before even thinking of being in a relationship with someone.